This act of being in the zone with point-blank focus is a tried and tested experiment by me as well. When I was preparing for defence exams, and I wanted to become an officer so badly that I would do anything for it, I used to give my phone to my mother as a sacrifice. She was given clear instructions: do not give me my phone until I have finished my to-do list for the day.

But Why Locking in Requires ‘Sacrifice’?

I had a vision in my mind that I had to accomplish, and that required my undivided attention. Becoming an officer is not an easy thing, but my willpower in front of Reels is quite weak. I am prone to watching videos, believing I have all the sweet time in the world.

I would pick up my phone to search for a topic, but I don’t know how my finger would click on Instagram and one hour would go by just like that. Then, I would remember- oh shoot, I was studying. I even deleted the app from my phone, believing that I would not get distracted anymore. But the constant notifications from the ‘study groups’ I had joined, Zomato’s flirty notifications, and shopping apps’ messages would irritate me. One ‘ting’ voice and my head would turn towards the phone. 

While I tried to stop myself from reaching for my phone, the process of reading, making notes, memorising everything, taking regular tests, and maintaining consistency would sometimes make me lose confidence too.

I remember reading the chapter on Parliament in Indian Polity one morning. The chapter covered everything from the structure and functioning of Parliament to the roles of the Lok Sabha, Rajya Sabha and the Speaker, along with different parliamentary procedures. After reading all of this, I took a test that night and scored 3/10. The questions were statement-based, and every option seemed correct to me.

When I opened Telegram, I saw other aspirants calling Parliament the easiest chapter, saying the type of questions and answers were fixed. I thought, Am I that dumb? I’m scoring 3/10, and people are calling this chapter easy? This all led me to question myself and my decision to prepare for the exam.

And I thought it was all because of this phone. 

Due to all of this, I made the sacrifice and gave my phone to my mother. 

Lock-In Sacrifice That Would Irritate Me

But I will be honest with you. On the first day I gave my phone to my mother, I sat down with the attitude that today, my path to becoming an officer had officially started. That enthusiasm lasted for exactly 45 minutes. And then I slept for two hours.

By the time I woke up, my willpower hit its lowest record. I would even skip my syllabus, thinking I could catch up on it the following day.

But that wasn’t easy at all. I still feel ashamed of all the times I used to say, ‘Just give me my phone for 15 minutes, and I will give it back.’

Was my motivation to clear those exams lacking? Absolutely not. 

But I still wanted my phone. And sometimes, I used to regret choosing my mother as the custodian of my phone because that lady is a disciplinarian. She would literally do anything but give me my phone.

I felt this whole process was a punishment because I took away my own choice. I did it to be away from my distractions, and getting the phone back was becoming my distraction. 

That’s when I realised that keeping my phone away was one thing, but actually sitting down and studying was another. Removing the distraction didn’t automatically make the work interesting, and it certainly didn’t mean I could concentrate for hours just because I had decided to. 

This is the time when one feels most alone and searches for comfort, and I found it online (I got it after I told my mom that I needed it for studying).

Internet Has Been Doing This Too

I thought I was the only one who needed to go to such extremes to get things done. But then people on the internet were doing the same thing, just in different ways. There was this whole fad around the 75 Hard challenge, dopamine detox, Monk Mode, and all those other challenges. All having the same winning arc: that you have got to become indispensable and take charge of the chariot of your life.

In fact, in most of the motivational speeches I’ve heard, I’ve seen people pitching the same idea: ‘Disappear for six months, and be ahead of everyone.’

And this is the mindset we perhaps need more than ever. See, earlier people didn’t have this kind of technology; millennials grew up with technology but with more restricted usage, and we are practically children of the Internet. 

The sheer number of videos telling us how to fix our lives, build discipline, wake up at 5 am or become a completely different person in six months is insane. 

And when those very videos become a distraction too, the idea of shutting everything out sounds like the best possible decision one could take. This is why locking in feels like a necessity now.

Boring, Frustrating, but Did It Work?

And if you ask me for my unsolicited opinion, I would say locking in is one of the most boring things you have to do. There were days when I wouldn’t study at all; I wasn’t a perfectly disciplined person at all, just because my phone was with my mother.

But once I started breaking down my obstacles and setting achievable goals, I found it a little easier. The feeling of ticking things off my to-do list gave me a hell lot of satisfaction. Gradually, I could see that I was getting things done.

And yes, I cleared my written exams multiple times because of it. So, yeah, locking in might actually be helpful.

The post Why Does Locking In Feel Like a Punishment? appeared first on Voicey World.

 

 

 

 

 

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After I watched the video, my feed was filled with ones where men were talking about asking young men to talk about becoming “high value,” building discipline, making more money, getting stronger, and learning how to “deal with women”.

Another video like this says men are being made weaker through social media. It shows a muscular man working out and calling young men to be stronger.

A few more videos appeared in which Andrew Tate was saying that the number one indicator of a man’s success is his ability to deal with stress. The video has over 39K Likes on Instagram, with some users praying for Tate’s release from jail.

After watching these videos, I noticed how they are being used to turn a man’s loneliness and insecurities into hate towards women.

It starts small, with a fitness influencer in a reel or a post about masculinity, and it builds from there. History proves all it takes is a well-shot frame and a powerful voice to sway a crowd.

A young, lonely, rejected man is often confused about the ideal male image, and the internet is full of people who tell them exactly what’s wrong with their life and who is apparently responsible for it.

These videos don’t begin with something hateful. In the videos I’ve seen, it’s initially about working out, waking up early, building discipline, making money and, in the longer run, being more confident. The problem starts when “work on yourself” turns into “they are responsible for it”.

The more I looked into the manosphere, the more I realised that it’s not just a group of men like Andrew Tate sitting online preaching to men. It’s bigger than that.

It’s an ecosystem of influencers: dating coaches, fitness creators, “alpha” accounts, Red Pill spaces. 

And to be frank, I find things like superbikes, supercars, six-packs attractive. And most of it feels quite natural at this age. I also want to look good, make money and have things that make me feel good.
And that’s probably why this content sells well.

Algo Knows The Frustrations 

What I felt was dangerous about entering the manosphere is how ordinary it can feel at first. I might watch a fitness video; the algorithm then gives me productivity advice. Then slowly the content shifts and I start getting videos on confidence, dating advice, and becoming more attractive. Before I realise it, I’m not watching videos anymore. I’m absorbing a way of thinking that changes how I see women, relationships and even myself.

Men don’t necessarily look for misogyny; we go for an explanation.

Young men can stumble into this content while looking for something as ordinary as dating tips, workout advice or crypto tips. And that’s what makes it tricky.

Most people don’t fall into this rabbit hole by searching for an ideology. They are just searching for help.

This is when someone appears on the screen as a messiah, saying, “Yo! Bro. I know what’s wrong”. It can attract him, right?

Something is Wrong with Your Life

The greatest trick these influencers pull is taking any complicated problem and giving it one stop-solve-for-all explanation.

If the man is unemployed, he lacks discipline. If he is single, maybe he is not “high value”. If he’s insecure, he needs more muscle.

Yes! Exercise does help; having money gives us security, confidence and social skills can make life easier. But human beings are not equations where we put in the right amount of money, muscle and confidence and automatically get love, respect or happiness in return. We can do everything right and still face rejection, feel lonely and struggle with self-doubt. That’s life. Not everything can be optimised, and not every relationship follows a formula.

Photograph: Walter Weekes/X

Someone to Blame

And this is how the modern ecosystem run by the Internet targets women and modern society.

A man’s personal problems suddenly become a part of a gender war.

A man was rejected because women want only “chads”. They can’t find a partner because women are independent now. They are unhappy because women have unrealistic standards. This is where the “bros” turn a man’s insecurity into evidence. Every bad experience is presented as a confirmation.

All women are being presented as shallow.
Modern relationships are broken.
One woman behaved badly, so feminism is to blame.

When we scroll through YouTube Shorts and Insta Reels, the algorithm quickly picks up on our watch time and pivots the feed straight into the videos that frame modern dating as a zero-sum game where women are the liars designed to exploit men. The red-pill narrative insists women are hypergamous “gold-diggers” who will mock a man when he is broke, only to come running to him when he builds wealth and status.

It gets worse from there. Rape gets brushed off, women get objectified, and “men’s rights” groups pop up. But they aren’t fighting for men’s rights. They’re fighting against women.

Walter Weekes with Alex Morgan (Photograph: Walter Weekes/X)

Closer home, take the Save Indian Family Foundation. It started in 2005 as an NGO against the misuse of dowry laws and calls itself a men’s rights group. Now it’s all over online forums. It opposed the 2022 petition to criminalise marital rape and backed a marriage strike.

One post on their own website, “How to Finish off #MeToo Movement and Save Lives?”, tells readers to go after the people behind the movement aggressively. It calls feminists “feminazis” and terrorists, says mentally unstable women will do anything, and wants the movement ended. Real honourable men.

The bros on the Internet provide endless anecdotes to support their conclusions. That’s how the foundations for the resentment are laid.

And suddenly masculinity comes with a scoreboard… money, muscle, status, sex and dominance, and there is no end to it.

Cashing in on Loneliness

The manosphere doesn’t always tell lonely men to solve loneliness; it gives loneliness an identity.

A man is not lonely; he is “awake”.

He is not rejected; it’s the system that is rigged.

He is not insecure; he simply doesn’t understand “female nature”.

For me, the central question is who gets to explain why men are struggling. Men are lonely; that’s for sure in an argument. Men and women both are struggling economically; this is also a problem.

The blame game might be a way out to satisfy a man emotionally and to put his anger somewhere; there’s also money in that anger.

Courses, coaches, online communities turn male insecurity into business, but the frustration doesn’t necessarily come from the influencers. They have found a festering wound and are earning from it.

Does a man have to be ‘Alpha’?

I think we need to stop building such dramatic ideas of masculinity.

A man doesn’t have to dominate anyone. He doesn’t need endless girls, or the fanciest car in town, to prove he’s worth something. He can enjoy getting stronger. He can make money because it gives him confidence, and build that confidence until he’s comfortable in his own skin.

The manosphere gets one thing right: young men want direction. They just shouldn’t be getting it from people who profit off their anger.

So when videos like these pop up on my feed, I take a step back and swipe past. I don’t let an online messiah tell me who I am, what I should do with my life, or whom I should hate.

The post Does a Man Have to Be ‘Alpha’? appeared first on Voicey World.